Opps!!
I comeplety forgot about this blog, i mean i kinda fell out of web stuff in general and i think its mostly with how much it goes over my head? my perfectionast tendencies got the better of me grrr. Everytime i sit down to make something, i say "i'm doing it for me this time, its going to be art for the sake of art this time" and then its not perfect and i give up. my brain SUCKS!!! i've also been in such an art slump recently and i just want to draw my little blorbos qwq
It's weird because reading back on my first two posts, i'm so weirdly hung up on how i will feel about it in the future? and now that its the future im like, bro chill!! no one is reading all that!! and if they are, they must love cringe (/p cringe is awesome) so you dont gotta worry so much kid iris!! but all i can do is worry all the time, idk if theres medication for anxeity but it just feels like im scared all the time if its not something im good at, no wonder i live under a rock. i still live with my parents at 22!!! i mean in this economy and stuff, i cant just buy a house for 5$ like the could in the past but still.
okay im still rambling about nothing, its like 3am and i've been thinking about my website again because i want to release my utau this summer but im super overthinking it. again that perfection thing, i gotta have the COOLEST utau or i die!!! no thats not how it works!!! its like im fricking fighting myself whenever i want to do ANYTHING!!! it really feels like im screaming into a void for no one to hear. i just gotta lock in and do SOMETHING while i have all this time on my hands. i am very lucky that my mom lets me work in her store but i cant do this forever, i wish i could go to school and do something there or however people become sucsessful. man i still dont even know what i want to do, i know i have so much time to just try everything and fail so i learn more but failing makes me panic so much man :(
sorry you gotta read all my rambling, i mean its kinda ur fault for still being here for some reason??? but i think just writing every thought in my head has been helping a little bit. i dont have a direction, i just word vomit until i kinda get a thought out there. i do still want to do a lot, i want to have a cute website and i want to have friends i can hang out with. oh yeah the furry meetup in my last blog post was so long ago but it went well, i didn't actually talk to anyone but my friends were there and we all made bracelets in the corner together. its nice knowing i have friends, even if they're all busy over there with school and stuff. sometimes i love having the freedoms of an adult but sometimes i hate that im basically the one unemployed friend who would sleep on everyone's couchs if allowed
i cant tell if this is longer or shorter then my other blog posts but it was nice to get all my words out of my brain, even for a little bit. maybe i'll try to update this as much as i can, whenever anything comes up for me to vent about maybe. i try to stay positive in these because i want to be a positive person, so i hope you are drinking water and enjoying the friends you have now.
ill post an art to this later if i can grab anything recent, tho again i have been in an art slump so the struggle as been #real